thoughts by natalie: becoming real.

thoughts by natalie: becoming real..

Missing and Finding “Home”

 

“Home is a place where, when you have to go there, They have to take you in.”

– Robert Frost

Throughout my past three years of college, “home” has always been my white house on the corner of Edwin and Beverly with the tree going through the porch, two fabulous dogs wandering aimlessly throughout the yard, and loving parents and siblings inside the walls. My house is a safety net, one that I could never imagine losing. One of my best friends from Georgia recently visited me in MY city, in St. Louis. As we drove around, she commented that I seemed at such ease, that I had somewhat of a restored sense of confidence in Missouri that I lacked in Athens. It was then that I realized that that safety net around my house extended throughout my entire city. No matter what sketchy or lavish part of St. Louis I pass through, I wander with a definite sense of comfort, of being accepted, and at the utmost, of being incredibly known. Trying to imagine feeling this way about any other house or city is, at the moment, unimaginable. Yet as I begin my senior year at the University of Georgia in a few short weeks, the understanding that I may not end up back in the 314 is slowly sinking in.

So then the burning question arises: what is required to make a place truly be “home,” a place that “they have to take you in” according to Frost. To state the obvious, a certain level of comfort is necessary. Yet the heart of the definition of home is the sense of intimacy, of being known. There is a reason that each person has that beloved coffee shop or restaurant that he or she “lives” at. It is at these places that a man (or woman) feels known, not only on the level that the workers ring in his order before he even steps up to the register, but that those same workers dig deeper than simple small talk and are truly curious about the man or woman in front of them. As much as I yearn to find such a coffee shop to call mine, I also seek out that next city to call my home.

As much as I adore and ultimately yearn to return to Athens, GA, I still do not call it my home. I consistently take the position of a visitor or a camper, a temporary occupant of a wonderful city who, from time to time, experiences those “mountaintop” moments where I am am in love with where I’m at and who I’m with. However, as a camper, I consistently end up leaving at the end of the summer to return to the place where I am known at my deepest.

So as graduation approaches rapidly, so approaches the beginning of my search for the Next Home, the next place like St. Louis where I can settle down, settle in, and allow myself to be known.